Due to long drawn illness crippling over making him volatile and he does not want to stay in this earth as everything in his life is now colourless and he cannot find the least part of it sooner or the later.
He thinks that he has the little bit of life left and the heart is slowly pumping towards its end and the concentration to which he has to live within seconds and try to find out the momentary sadistic pleasure which has been time and again is bringing the front to each aspect.
As he does not know as each moment is precious for him and he tries hard to utilize his rest of life to its optimum result and for this the life seems to be generating towards the move to the right direction and for this each segment of life is slowly making him feel the sadness which has been there for all the time to come.
His body is burning with pain and for this, the shadow of the tree is there and for this, in order to find it the feeling of the past which has been there for years he is continuing to find the pain which has been there he tries hard to remove all these without any such suffering and static.
He wants to touch the happiness and for this, he is trying hard to find the happiness and for this, he is trying to get into music and move the emotions with each melody of music with it forever.
He glanced back to see the rear window and could find the trees which seem to be getting with the newborn leaves a cropped smile follows him with a distant and satisfied look.
He wants to live but the pain which has been there from the inside is making him more towards the most difficult phase where each and every second becomes vulnerable and he wants to continue with it but the feeling of desperation is making him think the negative.
He does not want sadistic pleasure, as he is the man of conviction with right thinking, though at times his memory is fading like the blotting paper which absorbs all the ink that has been attached with, still there are many ideas of his which has been painstakingly making him feel the real path of life is to suffer and think of such pain in some outer manner so that nothing will harm him to continue thinking about life.
Everything lost to her including the power of love after she went out from him after seeing his wretched health conditions it seems he just left her. In earlier circumstances, when he was successful and had been endowed with many ideas and opportunities still plenty of simultaneous minds and correlated estimation running inside the phase of the human brain that has been crippled with a tumour and its pain is unbearable and cannot be said to the least.
He does not want to think about it as it is pressurizing his brain which is giving huge pain to him from time to time. He wants to live but cannot be so as with each sound and is his brain is not working and also bestowing the colossal bit of pain which he cannot tolerate. Slight tears roll out his eyes, as he has no one now, and no near and dear ones on any such occasions.
He is alone feeling like madness to him and also he has been admitted to a suitable hospital by his erstwhile organization which he had worked with a great deal of zeal and passion. He looks at the roof as his only friends are now the big, the roof, the window and the fan.
He has no friend and no near and dear ones to look and observe them. He is continuing to live alone and in this world, a painful end cannot be more painful without seeing near and dear ones for a long time. Tiny drops of tears rolled out of his eyes. He knows all these are his part and parcel of life; he does not want to bring those memories back as it hurts his brain and hurts him completely.
He raised both of his hands, he tried to hold his brain to stop the pain, he wants to live with time and he wants to continue seeing the world even in times of pain. His vision slowly becomes blurred and the entire world seems to be a sign of red vision which he cannot continue to see as the red colour is showing more signs of pain for him and he does not want to be intimate with these colours but he has to and for this he tries hard to close his eyes.
Life never comes to a halt when you think every action is positive and even at the most negativity moments the oozes of positivity comes to mind and making the wave of wonderful intimation towards the message probably from Lord to live the life with each moment the happiest of the lot and in this manner everything possible can be achieved and simultaneously can be attended to.
He has two beautiful websites and also a popular Twitter account and he updates his feeling every day and from the virtual friends he accumulates the nearest and dear ones to have a complete friend saga of his and he is living with them and continue to pursue the friendship.
He becomes annoyed and disturbed when there is no internet connection or it is down due to some valid reasons. He wants to live and wants to be social though Lord has some other ideas and his luck has been written with some other views on the mind but still there are plenty of works that remain unfinished and he could not attend those due to extremely critical conditions.
He is requesting Lord to make him well as he wants to serve him as his time is finishing in a critical manner and before it, he wants to devote himself for the service of Lord and he is crying while speaking all these with pain to Lord in order to attain salvation.
The volume of values has been finishing due to the enmity of some of the far relationships but he still believes with Lord and he knows full well he would be getting an opportunity to serve him in near future, possibly a chance to see his favourite lord before the closing of his eyes.
Now, he only believes with Lord, and for sure he is entitled to serve him in years to come, he is sure humans are stopping him from serving to Lord but Lord would one day make the way for him and he could hope at least before his death he would get a day to serve him so that the inner happiness that will be there would slowly remove the engrossing of pain attached with brain.
Originally published at mohanmekap.com on October 22, 2013.
